And Now We Are Sick

Was it the Dora pinata filled with candy? I've read that a huge dose of sugar can lower a child's immune system for several days...well we just had to try out that theory...and it's true. Just a week after the birthday candy extravaganza both my girls were sick and one week later they are still sick. This has been one nasty bug. It's not very often I have both of my girls slumped in my lap all day. I was not out of physical contact with Ivy for three days - which has had me thinking about the continuum concept again. The first couple of days were really hard. All I could think about were the million little things I wanted to be doing that did not involve holding children. By the third day I was relaxing into the full contact mode again and then today I was really enjoying it. It's true that the more you hold and cuddle your kids and the more you connect with them, the more you want to. Today I had the most wonderful time with Liv resting on my lap. We sat on the couch in the sunshine and chatted while I rubbed her feet. I'm reminded of a little sign that is on the door of Liv's yoga class that says, "Don't just do something, sit there" I have to do more of that - more sitting with my kids and less frantic cleaning.

Happiness

If you know us at all, you know that Derek and I have had a couple of rough years. I've so wanted to be a happy carefree mom, but the stress we've been going through has been immense and I have really gotten under it. I'm learning not to focus on the negative, so I won't go into all of that, but I will say that I was beginning to wonder if I would feel happiness again. When I was twenty I worked at a bakery where middle-aged women would shop - and I always wondered why they were so unhappy. The mothers always seemed so tired and miserable and I swore to myself that I would never let that happen to me. Last year I took a long look at myself and realized that I was becoming one of them. I felt angry, hard -done -by, tired, unheard, and uninspired. I was constantly blaming my partner and my kids for my unhappiness and that only made me feel worse.

I've done a lot of work to change things in my life this year. The weekly non-violent communication empathy group I am part of has supported me through a life changing period. I have learned to take responsibility for my choices and stop blaming. I have learned to grab hold of my life and go for what I want with all of my heart. I have learned from Derek to be real about what I need and to be vulnerable enough to make requests (and I think this saved our relationship). I'm learning to be selfish in the best possible way because nobody likes to live with an angry martyr!

Well I guess all that hard work is starting to pay off. Today I had a lovely, peaceful day with my girls. We played, walked, talked, and baked. In the midst of it I had this funny, unfamiliar feeling in me and it hit me - I'm happy. It's as simple as that.

Now We Are Six

My dear Olivia turned six today. I'm finding this very hard to comprehend. The baby book that I started when she was a baby...well I just finished that last week. Perhaps I was trying to avoid the inevitable realization that these years are so short and the memories are so hard to hold onto.

My favorite memory of you this year is the day you decided to try and dig for hidden prehistoric temples in our yard. You were just convinced that they could be out there, anywhere and so you started digging. You were out there for ages and you dug a fair sized hole. I joined you for a while in the digging (I had to convince you that the front garden was a very unlikely place for a temple, but the back garden by the fence had some serious potential). We did find some exciting bits and pieces, but alas, no temple. I love that you jump in and do what you imagine doing. Six months later you are still taking about being an archeologist.



Olivia you have changed a lot this year. You are so different from who I imagined you'd be, but I'm constantly delighted by who you are. To me you are always new and surprising. I feel the excitement of a gardener who plants a mystery seed, and then watches it grow, her curiosity growing as the plant grows. Life with you is wonder upon wonder upon wonder and I love every minute of it. Right before my very eyes you are becoming this independent, thoughtful, and creative being whose horizons stretch way beyond the limits of our life here. My wish for you this year is that you will experience some of the adventure you are craving. I love you Olivia, all the way to the Milky Way and back.

Finally we are doing this

Yes we've finally started our family blog. We started planning this months ago with high hopes of following through with it. And then... we discovered that we could download "The Bill" and we lost several months of evenings. Yup - a serial police drama stole five months of our lives. Part of my gradual withdrawal plan involves finding interesting ways to kill the evenings and so here we are.

We are creating this blog for our family and friends. Perhaps our humble little blog will help in drawing us closer together ( failing that you may have some good laughs at our expense). Here we are, Derek and Jill holding Olivia and Ivy on our favorite hike this year. This beautiful lake is one of the reasons we love it here. Ok - the awkward first entry is done.