Happiness

If you know us at all, you know that Derek and I have had a couple of rough years. I've so wanted to be a happy carefree mom, but the stress we've been going through has been immense and I have really gotten under it. I'm learning not to focus on the negative, so I won't go into all of that, but I will say that I was beginning to wonder if I would feel happiness again. When I was twenty I worked at a bakery where middle-aged women would shop - and I always wondered why they were so unhappy. The mothers always seemed so tired and miserable and I swore to myself that I would never let that happen to me. Last year I took a long look at myself and realized that I was becoming one of them. I felt angry, hard -done -by, tired, unheard, and uninspired. I was constantly blaming my partner and my kids for my unhappiness and that only made me feel worse.

I've done a lot of work to change things in my life this year. The weekly non-violent communication empathy group I am part of has supported me through a life changing period. I have learned to take responsibility for my choices and stop blaming. I have learned to grab hold of my life and go for what I want with all of my heart. I have learned from Derek to be real about what I need and to be vulnerable enough to make requests (and I think this saved our relationship). I'm learning to be selfish in the best possible way because nobody likes to live with an angry martyr!

Well I guess all that hard work is starting to pay off. Today I had a lovely, peaceful day with my girls. We played, walked, talked, and baked. In the midst of it I had this funny, unfamiliar feeling in me and it hit me - I'm happy. It's as simple as that.